Here I am. It’s 2017.
I actually can’t believe I had to write that number. It’s been so long. No one will probably ever see this and that’s okay, I’m mostly writing this for me.
This year with be the 5 year mark since he died. It’s unbelievable how fast 5 years went by, but how long ago it feels. And what can I say, life goes on. I’m doing just fine.
Missing my dad got easier. I no longer remember what everyday life felt like with him around. I’m an adult now, on my own, doing my own thing. Things still remind me of him every once and a while, but that doesn’t make me sad. What makes me sad is the fading memories. Not being able to remember how it was living with a dad. That’s what’s hard. I can remember him and the person that he was, but I can’t remember what it felt like to be with him.
That being said though, many people would give anything to have the person they lost back. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be where I am now if he was still here, and I like who I am now. Not to mention the fact that I would never ask for him to come back here. He is where he belongs. He’s where I want to be. He’s where he wanted to be. And it’s not like I wish I could die. No, I like living. It’s stressful and hard but it’s life. But in the long run I know that Heaven is where I belong, and it’ll be easy there.
It doesn’t make it any easier to tell people my dad is dead. It doesn’t make the idea of him not walking me down the aisle one day any easier. Or seeing me graduate college. Or my kids not having a grandfather someday. It’s not easy. But I’m at peace with it. And I trust God’s plan
And thats all I can do.
(ps. If anyone read that last post from 3 years ago. I’m sorry. The lack of maturity reading it now is astounding)